Toxic Men

Why are we attracted to men that are bad for us? Is it the sex? Is it the chemistry? Perhaps it’s a combination of both that keeps us begging for more but we know that these guys will end up hurting us in one form another.

There are men that give you great sex and nothing more. They are not interested in a relationship and they are not even interested in knowing what you do with your free time. That’s fine for a while if you’re also just into the sex for the time being but at a certain point you feel like the sex becomes meaningless and it’s time to move onto the next one. I had a few of those in my time. In fact there was one that lived 100meters from my flat. It we convenient, easy and very practical. He would come over, we would make useless small talk and then start sexing. He never spent the night, although I wouldn’t have minded. But I guess he figured it would turn into something more than just sexy. So nothing further happened. After a few times we just kind dropped contact with each other. It was fine. There was nothing more than just sex. But it takes a strong person. You have to put your emotions in a drawer and completely understand that it’s just sex and it will always just be sex.They are just fuck buddies. That's all.

Then there are the guys who you meet for just sex and have the most natural time and fluid intellectual conversations. Unfortunately they have plenty of lovers and you are somewhere on that list and they are making their way down that list. Who knows when he’ll get to your name again, that’s if he even jots down your name to begin with. Maybe he just has a list of numbers and next to it is a detailed description of your looks, sexual preferences and performance. But these are the guys you keep going back for hoping to get a little something more. Maybe you can crack them. Maybe you are the one that can change the way they feel about a relationship. Maybe over time he will realize how great you two are together and it’s about time he changed his ways. Do you notice many warning signs? I’ve been there far too many times and since I’m single you can see that it never works out. It’s just a recipe for disaster and you are just setting yourself up for a bucket of tears.

I call them toxic men. That’s what they are. When they are with you, life is amazing and once it’s over the toxins begin to release in your emotions. We know we shouldn’t get involved but we do it anyway. Will we ever learn? I guess the heart wants what it wants.

*melocoton*

The Perfect Vagina

Do you sometimes think your vagina is not perfect? Well you're not alone. 


The perfect vagina from heather leach on Vimeo.

Do you ever wonder?

Do you ever wonder that perhaps the right person, your soul mate, is perhaps not in the same place as you are? Do you ever find that you always meet someone who you think is great and then you meet them and there's no spark? Do you ever meet someone at the wrong time? 

Well all of these things have happened to me. This is why internet dating can be hazardous to your health. You star building up these these imaginary visions in your head of the person and then you meet the person and they are physically not your type or there is just no initial spark and the mountain you've created just crumbles in mere seconds right in front of you. If only there was dramatic music playing to go along with it.

I recently started chatting with this guy who seems perfect, nice and we have a lot in common. The only problem is that he recently moved to London. But again we have never met so who knows. Could this be a jinx? Could this be disaster in the making? I mean really...how much can you tell from a few pictures and words?

It's just another fish. 

*melocoton*

I got scared...

If another man ever says to me 'i got scared', I might be tempted to cut his balls up, marinate them in his pool of blood and feed them to the lions. 

Human kind has seen growth over the years. Man has seen none. They are still not reluctant to use the oldest, lamest excuse in the book...'I got scared'.  If you're going to use an excuse, I at least expect a bit of creativity. Maybe they just saw the Sex and the City movie where Big calls of the wedding because he got scared...after 10 years.


'It's not that I don't like you but I don't want to hurt you and give you the wrong impression'. This was his excuse for not messaging or reply to messages. Why can't men just communicate properly. Is that asking too much? This particular guy claimed to have never had a relationship (which I completely believe based on his attitude) and never hooking up. 


There must be something in the water in this town, surely, because he reminds me of my ex, which is why we broke up. A lot of contradiction in what he said and his behaviour.


'If you think I don't want a boyfriend, it's not true.  Sometimes I feel sad that I don't have one'. 
People like you don't deserve one. You'll just use them, abuse them and leave them emotionally tangled in a web they can't get out of. 


If you really want a partner then perhaps you should change your attitude and start giving people a chance and not writing them off after the first date. Give people the benefit of the doubt. Put your penis on a leash and let the mind do the talking for a minute. Maybe you'll find some common ground.


I'm so fed up with men in this town. They behave like children. Maybe that's because most of them still live at home until they are 30-35. Maybe they don't know how to behave like adults since they are still being pampered at home. 

Grow up!


*melocoton*

Zero tolerance

I´ve recently discovered that I have a zero tolerance policy for bullshit these days. It dawned on me when I was having a conversation with my ex, and he was asking for my advice regarding his new stormy relationship. The girl he´s with has mood swings and irrational demands on him and their relationship on a level that makes my PMS-symptoms seem like a mild summer breeze (and bear in mind, I have been guilty of the occasional death threat during that time of the month... ) And her behavior isn´t just constrained to one week of the month, this is a 24 hour on going circus in their life apparently. So anyway, he tells me all this and how stressed he is about it, and he asks what to do. Now I just can´t help but feeling this sense of incredible frustration. Just kick her out!! For God´s sake! Stop taking so much crap! Don´t you have any self respect??

I think the reason I´m having this strong reaction is because I used to be that girl, no not the crazy knife throwing bunny boiler, I meant that girl as in, the one who used to take all the crap. I was always thinking, if I just change a little bit more, if I just become perfect, then he will change too because then he will love me and everything will be fantastic. So I changed, and changed and tried harder and harder to become someone that he thought I should be. In the end I didn´t even recognize myself anymore, I was just playing the part of the perfect girlfriend. After I hit rock bottom and left my last destructive relationship I´ve become a lot more aware of what I want and who I am. And today I would never let anyone tell me who I should be or what I should do. I like who I am and if someone has a problem with any part of me, well, that´s just it, their problem. I can´t be responsible for your feelings, so you go deal with it!

If I´m with someone who needs me to be any of the following; their therapist, their mother and/or their cleaning lady, move along! We´re done! I´d rather be alone than in a relationship where I´m miserable more than 50% of the time. Don´t waste my time please, I got stuff to do!

Pick up the god damn phone.

What is with men and not being able to communicate?!?!


Maybe it's because I hold a communications degree or maybe it's because my mother taught me manners or maybe it's just because I have common sense but what the fuck is up with the men out there not being able to communicate?


It's called a phone and the last time I checked you have one, so use it. Say something. Say anything. Lie. Whatever. But radio silence is one of those things that drives me craaaaaaazy. If you don't want to talk to me tell me your busy or you don't fancy me or you're fucking some other broad. It's really rude to ignore. 


In the words of comedian Russel Peters, 'be a man'. 


*melocoton*

Shoulda, Woulda, Coulda

I got talking with a friend of mine and she asked me if I had ever regretted breaking up with someone. I had to briefly scan through all the exes and the truth is NO. 


I'd like to think that the relationships of the past ended for the right reason. Whether it be that we were incompatible or that we had absolutely nothing in common... except for the sex. And a relationship with only sex can only go on for so long before the sex itself starts to deteriorate. It would also seem that I have a track record of not remaining friends with my exes. Once it's over it's pretty much over. Except for the last relationship where we broke up 4 times within the course of 9 months. You see this final break up was very easy. After having it done it 3 times you tend to master the break up the fourth time around. 


I guess you may tend to wonder what could have been the future if you were still together and I guess my point of view is that I'm kinda glad that there is no future with any of my exes. Why bother reminiscing about the past when you can look forward to the future. I'm still optimistic somewhere deep down that the positive match is somewhere out there and when you find him/her, things should just fly. 


And if you should happen to come across a frog... grab it and kiss the fuck out of it. 


*melocoton*

Why gamle?

In the words of our dearest Carrie Bradshaw, 'if you know the house always wins, why gamble?'. This could work in many situations but I think what she means is that if you know that love hurts then why even bother? I guess there is no real answer to that other than never try never know. And even though the house eventually always wins you play the game hoping it's your lucky day. The trying may have consequences and side effects but without trying there is no crying. We are all hopeless (romantics). 
-melocoton

Facebook replacing #?

Maybe I'm getting older and growing mature. Or falling behind change in time. 

I met this cute boy. He looked at me, I looked back. We talked. We made out. And then he had to get back to his friends. I found him later and kindly asked for his number. Instead he offered to give me his Facebook. Somebody else might have said 'sure' and went along with it. I said 'ok, goodbye'. He was very cute but at the moment I just could not be bothered. Sometimes I just want a bit of class. I can be a bit old-fashioned at times and I guess this was one of those moments.

Will I see him again? Who knows. Only way to find out is to keep fishin'. For the moment I threw this fish back into the ocean.

x-melocoton

My Vagina is Depressed!

Or at least it´s feeling a little blue. Maybe it´s because I spent a little too much time in the sun today and my skin has now taken on a darker more painful shade of pink, or maybe it´s simply because it´s the month of august. Tourist season has now reached its peak and the catalans have flewn the city for their summer houses in the mountains or up the coast. Do you not get as much action from the tourists as you do from the natives you now ask yourselves. The answer is no. Why not? Well I´m sure it´s a possibility, it´s not like picking up a drunken vacationing northern European is considered a challenge by yours truly. However, call me crazy but, there´s something I find unappealing about these loud, pale and pasty looking, drunken men in FBI* t-shirts who seem to have checked common sense and manners at the passport control in their home country. What is it about the concept of vacation that somehow indicates it´s fully allowed to behave like a drooling cave man non stop for a week? In fact, the more I think about it, no wonder my vagina is depressed! It´s fucking august! Bring on september and bring home those slutty catalan boys who knows how to get you laid properly, si us plau!


*(Female Body Inspector) I know, it´s funny isn´t it? Genious! Heh heh heheh heheh… ( I don´t know, I can´t get my Beavis and Butthead laugh quite right.)

xxCorazón

My husband can't get it up...

Sex or Companionship

It occurred to me today that when you're going through a dry spell all you're craving is the touch and feel of a man and when that happens the moment is over all too soon. So what next?


What is it that we're looking for? Is it simply just the sex or the companionship of a fruitful something... I quite haven't figured it out yet. Sure the sex is fantastic but when the moment is over don't you just want someone you can continue spending the day with, go for a walk, a movie, just lie around and be lazy with? Surely it shouldn't be so hard to find but then why is it?... so hard. 


Are we simply hopeless?


^^melocoton^^

The caller ID dilemma

What we all feel from time to time. ;)

The perfect kitchen

A wise person once told me that I have this incredible need for freedom. Which is true. I need to be free, whether it comes to my job, my relationships, my living arrangements. The thought of buying a house, knowing that I´m going to live there until I die, makes me panic. I don´t want to know what my life will look like in 10 years, or 20 or 30. I need change and movement. I don´t need safety and comfort, it´s boring and makes me feel like I´m already dead. I thrive on the drama. Sometimes I get tired of it and I feel like I just want a break, and have a calm secure family life with the perfect kitchen, but when I get that or something like it, soon I hate it. It works for a while, and I can appreciate it but then I get bored with it. It´s not who I am. I need to travel and meet new people and be messy. I don´t need a perfect kitchen, there´s no life in a perfect kitchen. I want a job where I can be creative and work on the high that comes with it for 14 hours straight, then go to bed and sleep for 12 hours to get up again and do something completely different, then my soul will be happy. I want to travel, find new places and inspiration, meet new people. I don´t mind having a set point that is my home that I can return to when I need some rest and alone time. But I need to have the option of being able to leave whenever I want to.

Even such simple things as sitting around a dinner table making everyday conversation with your family every night freaks me out. And that seems to be something very important in the average life of your average family. I should proably never have children, I would be a horrible mother, dragging them around the world, making them eat at irregular hours. When grocery shopping becomes the big family event of the week that would be the epidome of misery to me.

So maybe this is why I´m still single. My soul mates (I believe we have more than one person out there that we share a spiritual connection with) are all the same as me. We need to be free, and every time we end up in a relationship we freak out thinking that we´re going to be tied down forever, and is this really the person we want to be tied down to?? So it would make sense that I`m always drawn to the assholes that ends up not answering my phone calls and just disappear from my life mysteriously forever. We´re the same. Whenever I´ve been in a relationship with a sweet average guy who just wants to buy a house and raise a family with me, well the countdown has begun from the very first kiss. I can´t do it, I´m sorry, were just too different, we want different things. I mean the fact that I left the country after my last serious relationship pretty much sums it all up.

Like I´ve said before I would like to meet a perfect someone and get married, I just want that someone to also not want the average life where every week looks the same year after year. Someone who is also restless and need to move or he´ll die. Is there such a someone??

Oh Romeo, Romeo, where the fuck art thou Romeo??

xx Corazon

I just can't get enough...

How much is too much? BTW, I’m referring to men. How many should you/could you be seeing at the same time? There is no rule really. However many you can manage without over-booking, I would say. Well it seems I’ve got a few in cue.

I arranged for one to sleep over, let’s call him Drew. He would spend the night and cuddle into the wee hours until he would have to go home. A half hour before he was supposed to come over, another acquaintance messaged me. He was being subtle. ‘Hey how are you. I’m going for a beer but can drop by your place and you can tell me all about your trip’. What he really meant was ‘I’ve got half an hour, wanna fuck’? Although I wanted to, the timing was just horrible. I hadn’t seen him in over a month and could use a refresher with this one. But how could I cancel on Drew? I couldn’t. So I said ‘i’m kinda hungover and going to bed’. But he didn’t get the hint and kept persisting. The problem is we’ve both got crazy schedules and work a lot so it’s almost impossible to meet. Oh well. There will be a next time. And hopefully that time I will have a slot open.  

It got me thinking, there are traits I like in both these men. If only I could mesh them together to create the ideal man. Are we too picky? Will we ever find Mr. Right? I guess we should just stick to Mr. Right-NOW.

Over-sexed and under-fucked...

I was recently in Toronto and oh boy oh boy what a contrast it is to Barcelona. If Barcelona screams 'sex', Toronto must scream 'oversexed and under-fucked'.


Maybe it's the city. Maybe it's the fast paced environment of the largest metropolitan city in Canada that leaves little time to think about anything but work. I don't know what it is. People were cold and in need of a good fuck. It must have something to do with the climate. Here in the mediterranean people walk down the street not knowing what could happen. You think you're just going out to get a baguette but suddenly approached by a dark handsom stranger. A hello leads to coffee in the square. Maybe you part ways, maybe you go home alone or maybe you wake up the next day in 400 thread egyptian cotton sheets. Who knows. 


...and then you realize you forgot to call in sick. oops. 


^^melocoton^^

Expiration date...

Maybe it's because I'm a cynic. Maybe I'm surrounded by too many failed relationships. Maybe I haven't found 'the one'. But whenever I'm with a guy and it's going really well, I can't help but thinking 'how long until it's over?'. 

Maybe it's because deep down I know that this guy is not 'the one the one'. The one that makes you pee your pants from nerves of excitement. The one that gives you butterflies. The one that never fails to give you attention. The one that will some day make you walk down the aisle...of Baskin Robbins, without making you feel guilty about it. 

Perhaps our ideal version of Mr. Right is completely twisted and doesn't exist on planet Earth. The reality is it's a man not play dough. Unfortunately we can't shape it the way you want. And you should never try to change a man (it always ends in disaster). 

LIke Dora, let's keep swimming and see what we fish this week.

^^melocoton^^

Playing hard to get

Me: I want to call him...

Friend: So call him!

Me: I don´t want to be clingy!

Friend: You´re not being clingy, you´re just offering sex!

No Strings Attached

I just saw the movie 'No String Attached' and I couldn't help but think 'can you just be sex friends?' without the emotional bla bla. If so, how long could it last? 


They are nice to have around and even better when they live just right around the corner. But how long before the line gets blurry between sex buddies and something more? Is it wrong to date your sex buddy? I know lots of people who have them and have no trouble distinguishing the difference. They have no emotional connection to this person whatsoever. Some of them even keep them on speed dial. But the sex is so good so they keep him around. If the sex is good, why not start something more? Are they worried that it would ruin everything? Is it impossible to have a great sex and emotional partner built in one? 


I recently met a guy who seems interesting but it seems he's turned out to be my very own sex buddy. He never sleeps over and I only see him under the cover of darkness. Perhaps that's all he wants. He hasn't called in days. I think it's time to pick up the phone or find some new ones. 


^^melocoton^^

Yo te amo (I love you)

Super cute, even if you don't understand Spanish.

Older and wiser

To follow up on the marriage theme as in melocotons latest post, I thought I´d give you my opinion on the matter. I have a friend from high school, well we´ve more or less drifted apart since then, mainly because I think on some level she is still in high school, if you understand what I mean... She´s constantly going from one serious relationship to another, everytime being more in love than the last, convinced that this time it´s forever. She´s been engaged seven (7) times, once she got engaged twice within a period of two months. The reason I came to think of all of this is because I just read on facebook a couple of days ago that she´s now on number eight. (That´s a lot of engagement rings, wonder if she´s kept them all... She could just have them melted down and make one giant super ring. Sorry, mind drifted off for a while.) To me, I just can´t help but wondering what is missing in her life that she needs to fill it out with this "romantic gesture" everytime? Or is it just that she wants to show to everyone that she is worthy of being in a relationship? That she´s not some single loser who can´t get a boyfriend (please note that this is not how I feel about single people, being one of them myself I know that most single people are awesome ;) ). The other question that comes to mind is, does she tell the guys about her past relationships, if so does the guy still feel special after learning that she´s already done this seven times before?

I do believe in marriage, and call me lame, but I do believe that there is a special someone out there for everyone (or special someones, I don´t believe you just get one soulmate, but more on that another time). I think the problem is that people are just too scared to get out there and look for him/her, that´s why divorce rates are so high, they do it too fast without thinking, without exploring their options properly. You shouldn´t get married when your´re 20. When I was 20 I thought I knew everything, exactly who I was and how my life was going to turn out. Now ten years later (yes, now you know how old I am), I laugh at the 20 year old me and think; sweetheart, you didn´t have a clue! All the things (good and bad) that happened leading up to where I am today, I never could have guessed it. But I needed it all because it made me into the person I am today, the person that I love being so much more than being the 20 year old me. And as for the guys that the 20 year old me dated, most of them 30 year old me wouldn´t touch with a stick. Since I am friends with them on facebook, and therefor know how their lives tunred out I can be sure of this fact. We were in a similar place at the time but now we couldn´t be further apart. Lives change constantly, people who keep moving grow and develope, and it is almost always a good thing, necessary for our own well being. The people who just hold on to their lives as they are I believe are just scared of what would happen if they tried out living instead of just staying alive. People from my past told me how brave I was for moving to Barcelona all by myself a couple of years ago, not knowing anyone or even speaking the language. But to me it was just necessary, basic survival strategy, if I had stayed where I was I would have died, at least emotionally if not physically. I hated my life as it was, gray, monotonous, everyday looked the same. Same people doing the same things. Now my life has color and movement, and I love what I do almost every day. So do I consider myself brave, not really. I mean it was a little scary the first few days in a new country before you got settled, but to me this wasn´t some great big adventure, it was just a natural development of my life. Me going where I was suppose to go, finding my place in life. Of course my life will keep changing and in ten years from now I will probably look back at the 30 year old me, smile and go; oh honey, so naive...

The Owner of a Broken Heart

Everyone has a different perspective on marriage and who should get married. I for one have never really thought of getting married or considered it an option. Perhaps it has to do something with my parents splitting up when I was very little. I guess I lost faith in the whole idea of two people spending the rest of their lives together in eternal happiness. Although it sure is a good reason to rake up your credit card bill and for one night life the life of a superstar. Recently this idea of marriage keeps surfacing my thought bank. 


I for one am not so close with my family. It's kind of just how it happened. Having grown up with separated parents at a very young age taught me to be many things: independent, strong and self sufficient. I recently spoke to my older brother who I haven't spoken to in months and months. Sadly the call was to inform me that he and his wife of 2+ years are splitting up. I was in utter shock. I had no idea what to say. What do you say to a person who is going through legal proceedings because his wife has been having an affair. For how long? I have no idea? With whom? I didn't dare ask. Does it matter? An affair is an affair. I feel sorry for the guy. I thought their marriage would restore my hope in the idea of marriage. I guess the truth is that we are all human and all we can do is take each day for what it is. 


It makes me very nervous when I see young people getting married. What's the rush? This generation is going through so much change. Who knows what will happen in the future. Sure, call me cynic but do you need to get married to make it real? Does true love need two rings and an expensive dinner?


Speaking of love, the biggest shock to me was hearing that Arnold Scwarzenneger and his wife Maria Shriver are splitting up after 25 years. Here's a couple I thought that were truly in love. But the reality is as time passes people change and your goals and ambitions change with the passing of time. Who you were and the dreams you had when you were 20 might not align with the person you're with and the ambitions you have as you get older. That's a fact of life. 


In the olden days you would jump over a broom holding your partners hand and ta-dah! You were married. Now days it's just another item on your credit card bill.


If 60% of marriages end in divorce, why get married? 


^^melocoton^^

How long is too long - reply

I´m beginning to doubt I´ll ever find someone I can stand being around everyday for years and years and not go crazy. I need my freedom, without it I cannot breathe. A sign the relationship has been going on too long is (based on personal experience) when you mourn the end of it for about a day and then spend the rest of the time constraining yourself from spontaneously bursting into a victory dance shouting "I´m free!!! I´m free!!!!!"

I think sometimes we just cling on to a relationship for the sake of being in a relationship. The sparks are gone but we keep trying to re-ignite them. Romantic trips, date nights, or in worse cases by getting married or having kids. I´ve been told I´m too picky, my expectations are too high and real life isn´t like a romantic movie with the happily ever after. And all these long term couples always have the same chant in common, relationships are hard, you need to work on them, bla bla bla... But what if relationships aren´t supposed to be hard, what if he/she just isn´t the one for you? Maybe the romance is gone because you´re just not that into each other anymore and maybe it´s just time to move on.

Corazon

How long is too long?

When I say how long I'm not referring to his dick size. For some it's of utmost importance. For others it more about girth than width. And for others the perfect size makes all the difference. But that's not what I'm here to write about today. How long should you continue in a dysfunctional relationship before you call it quits? 


It starts off great and you go for weeks with these butterflies that won't seem to go away. But eventually these butterflies fly away. Where do they go? On to the next guy? I was talking to a friend yesterday who ended a 2 month relationship. The sparks were gone. Will they ignite again? It made me wonder how do you keep the fires burning in the relationship or does the fire burn out as you start to discover the itty bitty details of the other person? What made you like this person in the first place? Was it love at first sight or was it lust? Or perhaps it's a bit of both. We all have different dating habits. Some of us like the attention and when the other person doesn't give us the attention we need, we drift away while others like their personal time and need that alone time each week to be sane. So when is the right time to move away? I guess we all have different variables but a good point to start thinking is when you stop missing having the other person around.


With so many men out there, the thought that floats through my mind is 'will we ever find someone that's just right?'. 


^^melocoton^^

Are open relationships the new Chinos?

Why is it that open relationships seem more fashionable now days than key summer garments like chinos? Everywhere you look (mostly online) people are ready to admit and leave it out on the open that they are in an open relationship and what may come may come. The first question that comes to my mind is why be in a relationship if you want it open?! As with any transaction there must be perks right? So you live together, share a life together but someday should you get lonely or your hormones go off the charts and you happen to meet some charmer on the streets or in a bar or behind the trash can then it's perfectly okay for you to sleep with him or do whatever your heart desires without hurting your partner. Is that right? I don't know which is worse. Openly 'cheating' on your partner or being in this relationship all together. Whatever happened to love?! True unconditional love. The can't sleep, can't breathe, can't be apart from each other, unequivocal love. I in fact know of a couple in an open relationship. They have been together for many years now and I guess the intimacy needs a bit of spicing up. I'm not one for following rules. In fact I think when it comes to life, relationships and everything in between, you should make your own rules. Do what works for you. Do what your heart tells you. But I still can't wrap my head around the idea of an open relationship. I personally think that if the discussion should arise in my personal situation it would be a reason to call off the relationship. Because the truth is I'm looking for that long lasting foreverness and I think it's hard to find now days. Who knows if we'll ever be happy but the naive person inside of me continues with hope and spirit. Are you open to the idea of an open relationship?! 

Along came Jack

In a never ending world of dating there is always a next and in my case it happened Friday night. It was one of those spontaneous nights which I really love; when everything happens unexpectedly with no prior planning. The night started with a planned dinner at my friends house with some wine and good company. After which I was ready to go home. But just as I was on my way home another friend messaged me. She was out with friends for a birthday and invited me to join. My mind had mentally checked out for the night and was ready to hit the sack. So I said I'd go home to drop off my things and then head over. She said 'ok', as if she knew that had I gone home I would never make it out again. In my on going efforts to prove people wrong, I did the unexpected. I went home as planned, freshened up and hit the streets. As I predicted my friend was pleasantly surprised to see me. We finished up at the bar they were at and headed to another place for pre-dancing with great 80s music. Sadly there were no protagonists at this disco. And if there were they were under cover. The party of 10 shrunk to a party of 4 and we all headed to another disco...one that I almost never ever willingly go to. They play electro music in one room and rock in the other. Not usually my thing. But I was just happy with the company I had and so it was irrelevant. My friend and I were dancing hysterically. So much so that we fell...plenty of times. In fact I have the bruise marks to prove it. Along came Polly. She started talking to me and she was smooth. Soon I was talking to her friend Jack. One thing lead to another and we went home together. The point of this whole story is that sometimes you have to change your course, mix things up and live a little. Who knows what will happen and who knows who you will meet. 

I'm not here for your entertainment...

It's been a little over a week since I met this guy who I thought was normal and with whom I had thought there was potential. It turns out either I scared him away by being too available or he's not interested, or both. He's cancelled on me a few times already and that's just a bit rude. If you're not interested just come out and say it point blank and stop wasting my time. I'm not here for your entertainment. I have better things to do. Whatever. I stopped messaging him and have no intentions of doing so in the future. It seems he's content with the way things were left. In fact through the great grape wine also known as social media I learned that he went on a date with someone else. So he's not in a ditch somewhere. I don't know what to think anymore. When I look at happy couples lately I wonder, is it possible to be happy with just one person for the rest of your life? How do these people make it look effortless. How did they find each other in that sea of hopeless singles. Will we ever find 'the one'. As this blog would attest we seem to find one jerk after another who treats us like 'shit'. I'm not asking for prince charming. I'm just asking for someone who genuinely takes interest in me and behaves like an adult. I understand that sometimes there is just no chemistry. Just be a grown up about it and tell me you don't think it's going to work out or whatever. Don't just ignore me. The Journey continues. Where is he?


^^melocoton^^

So we meet again

So my stalker re-surfaced again this weekend. Funny enough I didn´t even recognize him. I have this thing that if I´ve only met a person once I can´t remember what they look like, which can cause for some pretty awkward moments. Last friday being one of them. So this guy and this girl comes into the bar and sits down at a table. I get ready to go take their order when my co-worker turns to me and asks if I want her to get that. Thinking it´s a bit strange since I was already on my way I just say, "no I got it". As I´m walking towards the table I can´t help thinking the guy looks familiar, but he´s probably been here before, that´s why. He is staring pretty intensly isn´t he? Weird...well, ok I take their order and return to behind the bar where my co-worker is waiting looking rather confused. She moves a little closer and asks; isn´t that the guy that was after you a little bit? Now this is where all the pieces suddenly fall into place in my head, and I just go; omg that´s why he looked familiar!! I start to realise what I just did and start hyperventilating and repeating oh my god, oh my god, oh my god... After a few seconds I managed to get myself together enough to bring them their order without revealing my fragile state of mind of the moment. The following hour I spent staring nervously at their table, convinced that he would at some point come up to me and confront me regarding me standing him up for our date and thereafter ignoring his intense texting. This did not happen though. Apart from a few intense looks across the bar nothing happened. Possibly because he was there with someone, I don´t know, but I was very relieved when they finally left without any dramatic confrontation. And suprisingly I haven´t received any texts during the past few days either, I was convinced I had triggered the crazy stalker within him again, but no. Today I finally changed my number so I guess we can now close the chapter on this one.

Internet Love

The internet has changed the way we live, shop and do business. It has also changed the way people date. As peoples schedules get more and more busy, they have less and less time to find that special someone. I being one of those people took a hand at online dating only to find a super nice and smart man. We went on a first date two days ago. It started with a coffee and couple hours of conversation and getting to know each other. It was nice and innocent. We ended up spending the afternoon/evening together and had dinner. No I feel slightly obsessed. But I feel like I’m repeating a behaviour the first time I meet someone I like so I’m trying to change that behaviour this time around but it’s hard. How do you tell your heart to stop (in the name of love) and take a step back and take it slow and see where it goes. I keep telling myself ‘you just met him two days ago. Calm it.’ But it’s hard. The heart wants what it wants. It’s just a jump of emotions that I can’t help. It has been such a long time since I met someone like him. I think it has been over a year. And so I guess I’m excited that for a change I’m dating someone that’s stable and emotionally available? Date number 3 tomorrow and I’m quite looking forward to it. We’ll see where it goes. Time will tell.  He’s 6 years older than me so that makes me a bit uncertain. I have no problem with the age gap. In fact it’s a non-issue but as he is older it makes me wonder if he may have different priorities. I guess the only way is to let yourself go and find out where the road takes you. I hope somewhere romantic. As I said to him, things happen when you least expect it.

^^melocoton^^

Fetish of the week

Had a weird encounter with a hand fetshist last night at work. This middle aged man who has started coming to the bar lately. He´s always been really nice so I always take a few seconds to chat a little when I take his order. Yesterday though he reach over the bar for my hand and started squeezing it gently, I felt a little uncomfortable but smiled politely as being used to guys normally being very flirty with us camareras. The squeezing however quickly turned into an intense hand massage, which I am ashamed to say felt so amazing I couldn´t bring myself to pull my hand back. I kept getting this mixed thoughts in my head, that this was so inappropriate and I must immediately remove my hand and get back to work, but omg, that feels so goooood.... It was so bizarre and I was so aware of it but at the same time I didn´t think it would be fair to the other fingers if I just let him massage three of them and not the rest. Just let him go through the fingers then I´ll get back to work and pretend like I never let this weird man live out his strange fetish fantasies on me in the middle of a crowded bar. Oh he´s doing the palm too...wow, is he some professional hand massager or something...? Ok, five more seconds, then enough...ok, enough...ok...enough...ok, that´s enough! Finally after way too many seconds of letting this weirdness go on I managed to pull my hand away and get back to work.

I felt like Charlotte in that episode of Sex and the City when she lets that foot fetishist sales guy massage her feet in order to get free shoes. Except there were no Prada loafers in the end of this encounter just a slightly more relaxed hand and this disturbing feeling of needing a shower.

I Love Irish Boys

It's been a difficult year of man hunting here in Barcelona. Hard to imagine? You better believe it baby. What about where you live? Where are all the hot men? There's a great old saying that says that the grass is always greener on the other side. So I found myself in the greenest place you can imagine...Ireland...hoping for a little Irish luck. But... NADA...none....zip. So I our journey continues to find the next victim. In the meantime take a few moments to admire these boys from the Irish boy band Boyzone. I'd take them home. All of them. Bon appetite.