Happy new year everyone!

New years eve, the day of hope and resolutions. I never make resolutions, because I don´t believe in them. If you really want to make a change in your life, then you just make it, you don´t need a schedule telling you when to do it. Anyway, this year I thought I´d make an exception, however, this is something I would have decided on anyway, the timing is just coincidental, but I will call it a new years resolution because of that. I promise to be nicer to myself, treat myself with the same respect I treat others. I will learn to say no and not agree to go on dates with guys I´m not really interested in. Yes I do that. I have a hard time saying no to people, because I don´t want to offend anyone. This is how I usually end up with a crazy stalker and have to change my phone number.

Last week I had a date with this guy. When he first asked me out my first impulse was to say no, but since I couldn´t come up with a polite way to say no, I ended up saying yes instead. (Yes, I do that, seriously.) On the big night I had a really bad feeling and just felt like I really don´t wan´t to go. So I ended up being 40 minutes late, and when I got there he had left. I´m gonna give you the short version of a very long story, basically I texted him some random excuse for being late and apologized and said I didn´t think I could see him. He starts texting me very frequently over the next few days, I got a little freaked out about the intensity and just stopped replying.

Now a couple of days ago I found out he stopped by the bar where I work and interrogated one of my co-workers about me. The girl I work with obviously didn´t give out any details about me, but she did end up telling him I´m working new years eve. Later that night I also received a very angry text from him where he basically accused me of lying to him (???), he was very upset and ended with a "thank you and good bye!" Hopefully that actually meant thank you and good bye and wasn´t just some attempt to get a reaction from me, because if so I might have a visit in the bar tonight to look forward to...

Anyway, my point with this whole story is; I will not give out my number to any cute random guy who wants to date me. I will be picky! I will not be desperate!

I wish you all the happiest of new years!

"Corazón"

FUI - Facebooking under the influence

Just woke up after a night of way to much vino blanco, and way to many sent text messages, msn chats and facebook messages. Really there should be an alcolock installed on cell phones and computers, you know like on a car when you have to take a breathalyzer test to be able to start it. I always say that as a joke, but after last night I´m actually considering writing letters to Apple, Sony Ericsson, Samsung and any other company that makes these high risk machines that should never be operated under the influence of alcohol. Never!!

So last night, I decided that I needed to do something brave and honest that I´ve never actually done before. Because I always play The Game (no I´m not referring to the book with the same title, but just the oh so well known dating games in general). I pretend I´m not interested when I am, I play hard to get, wait for him to come after me. Well according to the regular game rules if a guy has had your number for over a month and hasn´t called you that means he´s just not that into you (love that book by the way, it´s my bible). However, being influenced by some friends, I came to the conclusion last night that he might not be calling because he just doesn´t think I´m that interested. (Cause girls aalllways give out their numbers to guys they´re not interested in, well actually I do, but that´s a different story for another time...) So being cheered on by a friend (male friend) I sent my guy a very honest message on facebook, telling him that I liked him and that I would like to go out with him. My friend told me: Just be honest and tell him you like him, don´t speak in riddles and say half of what you mean and let him guess the rest, like girls usually do. Guys hate that, really, it just leads to misunderstandings. Just be straight forward and honest!

So I was! I was feeling so good about myself last night, then I woke up this morning, sober... Oh dear God what have I done...?? Am I really that into him that it was worth sacrificing my dignity? Am I? Last night, that would have been a roaring yeeeesss!!! Today, ehm, maybe...? I´m afraid to log in to facebook to be hit with the humiliating truth. I´d really rather have him just ignore the message forever than tell me he´s not that into me.

Why do we do these things? Are we that desperate for someone to love us? Or is it just our egos that need a little attention? If I knew the answer to that I would be a wise woman.

Friend or Lover?

Can you date your friends? What about your friends friend? I recently started seeing a friend of a friend and I guess things will never be the same again. 


Well we've casually met a couple times before we started 'seeing' each other but now it is in that weird stage. Do we take the next step or do we fear ruining the friendship and go back to being just friends? The dilemma is that no matter what happens it will be impossible to avoid him. We both have mutual friends and as a result we'll run into each other at one point or another. So we had a mini talk and came to no conclusion and continue being in this grey zone, so to speak. He says that it seems like I'm more into him bla bla bla. So naturally I decided to give him some space. That means no calling, no texting, no facebooking...nada. zip. This is also code for playing the game. And I HATE games. 


It's been days of radio silence but last night he called me and invited me for drinks with his friends before I left for Christmas break. During the whole night he commented that I was acting weird. Perhaps I was. I guess in my mind I felt questions rolling through my head like Jeopardy. Where is this going? Am I here as your friend or something else? What did you tell these people about me? It's a strange feeling. I still have no idea where this is headed but I guess I should just not worry and take it as it comes. But of course that is easier said than done especially when you let your emotions do the talking.


There's a great old saying: Your emotions are the slaves to your thoughts and you are the slave to your emotions


Hope you all have a good Christmas! 


^^melocoton^^

Life is not a chick flick

Why do they make you want them, just to visciously ignore you and never talk to you again? Why do you always want what you can´t have? What´s with that masochistic side of your soul that just allows you to go completely boycrazy whenever someone gives you a moments attention just to forget all about you in the next. They say all these things, and make you like them, but then have no intention of following through with it. I wasn´t even interested in the first place. Then he was all...sweet and charming and...convincing, and I just gave in, and allowed myself to like him back. I love it when they make a speech, put a little effort into it, really have you going. Because he was the one who came after me, saying he wanted this for months and yet I´m the one sitting home alone obsessing over my silent phone. Do you see that something just doesn´t add up here? Is it just me, do I just not understand the modern way of dating/flirting?

Why do some people have it so easy? It´s like two people just meet, fall madly in love and live happily ever after. I mean what are the odds of that, one person falls in love with another and that other person feels the exact same way back??? It just seems so unlikely and yet it happens. Not in my life of course, I don´t think I´ve ever been in a relationship where both of us has had the exact intensity of emotions at the exact same time. One was always more emotionally attached than the other, more in love. Love, the word has lost all its meaning, it´s been abused one to many times. Do we really know how it feels? Has any of these past feelings in my life really been the L word? Cause if it was than I´m afraid it´s highly overrated. Really, if you´ve never been in love, don´t do it. All it gives you is moments of happiness that goes away faster than you can realize that they´re there and there for appreciate them, then it just turns into frustration, anger, emptiness, loneliness, unanswered phone calls, ignored text messages, oblivious indifference. “Good bye, you meant nothing to me, but let´s stay friends, no need to hate each other. You´re such a nice person!” Oh wow, thank you! Ego boost! I´m nice! Yay!

(Wow, the dwelling on my dating history came faster than I thought, I didn´t even need the wine...)

Have a lovely day dear readers, talk soon again!

Sincerely, "Corazón"

Breaking up - not always hard to do

I´m going to spare you the agony of taking you through my entire pathetic dating history, parts of it will most likely come up in future posts anyway, during some bitter and lonely evening after way too much wine, if I were to make a qualified guess. So today I will just focus on my latest relationship. I´ve been single for about two years now. My last boyfriend was an asshole, but disguised it as just being stupid. Like he didn´t understand why commenting on my weight was a mean thing to do, he was just "being honest". (Come on seriously is there any guy out there who doesn´t know the girlfriends weight is forbidden territory? I mean, really?? If there still is some guy who´s somewhat confused on what I´m talking about pay attention: Never comment on girlfriends weight! Honesty is not the best policy, you do not need to understand why that is, you just do not go there! Not ever!) The other thing he did was to cut off my financial resources, by convincing me I didn´t need to take a loan while studying, and with that making me completely depending on him. This was something he loved pointing out during our relationship, how I´d be nothing without him. For me as someone who had always taken care of myself, making my own money, this was a very strange and uncomfortable situation to be in all of a sudden. And to top this dysfunctional relationship off he also had the emotional maturity of a 5-year-old, which pretty much made it impossible to carry on a normal discussion when we disagreed on something. This almost two year long relationship left me somewhat damaged with slight issues with intimacy and trust. I believe my only thought when I finally moved out of our apartment into my own was (except for the words “Freedom at last!” while doing the victory dance) “I´m never having another serious relationship again! I will never live with anyone ever again!”

But now here I am, two years later, having slowly healed, and starting to feel ready to date again, only to come to a disappointing realization that raises the old question; where have all the good men gone?

"Corazon"

Another one bites the dust...

I guess we should briefly catch you up on our dating history. Yes, it is a history and sometimes I wish I could delete some of those chapters and keep only the glowing parts. But like with any history it’s the lessons you learn and take away from each relationship that is really important while avoiding a repeat. We all make mistakes and fall for the wrong guy only to realize that he is not ‘the one’ but that’s part of the game and you’ve gotta play to win.

It will be three weeks tomorrow since my bf broke up with me. I wish I could say it was hard for me and it broke my heart. Well it did a little bit. But you should also know that we’ve had these similar talks three times before in the past and this final fourth time I was just ready to move on. I was speechless. Merely for the fact that it caught me off guard. There were no warning signs. It just crept up on me like turbulence. Unprepared. But I think it is for the better so I would like to thank him for doing the dirty work. After nine months if you can’t find solid ground then for sure it’s time to move on. Sure we had a great time with each other but there was something missing...those are his words.

It’s been three weeks and I look on the bright side of life and move along and continue living another day...single...but happy...and wondering...where is he where is he where is he where is he?!

^^melocoton^^