Toxic Men

Why are we attracted to men that are bad for us? Is it the sex? Is it the chemistry? Perhaps it’s a combination of both that keeps us begging for more but we know that these guys will end up hurting us in one form another.

There are men that give you great sex and nothing more. They are not interested in a relationship and they are not even interested in knowing what you do with your free time. That’s fine for a while if you’re also just into the sex for the time being but at a certain point you feel like the sex becomes meaningless and it’s time to move onto the next one. I had a few of those in my time. In fact there was one that lived 100meters from my flat. It we convenient, easy and very practical. He would come over, we would make useless small talk and then start sexing. He never spent the night, although I wouldn’t have minded. But I guess he figured it would turn into something more than just sexy. So nothing further happened. After a few times we just kind dropped contact with each other. It was fine. There was nothing more than just sex. But it takes a strong person. You have to put your emotions in a drawer and completely understand that it’s just sex and it will always just be sex.They are just fuck buddies. That's all.

Then there are the guys who you meet for just sex and have the most natural time and fluid intellectual conversations. Unfortunately they have plenty of lovers and you are somewhere on that list and they are making their way down that list. Who knows when he’ll get to your name again, that’s if he even jots down your name to begin with. Maybe he just has a list of numbers and next to it is a detailed description of your looks, sexual preferences and performance. But these are the guys you keep going back for hoping to get a little something more. Maybe you can crack them. Maybe you are the one that can change the way they feel about a relationship. Maybe over time he will realize how great you two are together and it’s about time he changed his ways. Do you notice many warning signs? I’ve been there far too many times and since I’m single you can see that it never works out. It’s just a recipe for disaster and you are just setting yourself up for a bucket of tears.

I call them toxic men. That’s what they are. When they are with you, life is amazing and once it’s over the toxins begin to release in your emotions. We know we shouldn’t get involved but we do it anyway. Will we ever learn? I guess the heart wants what it wants.

*melocoton*

Do you ever wonder?

Do you ever wonder that perhaps the right person, your soul mate, is perhaps not in the same place as you are? Do you ever find that you always meet someone who you think is great and then you meet them and there's no spark? Do you ever meet someone at the wrong time? 

Well all of these things have happened to me. This is why internet dating can be hazardous to your health. You star building up these these imaginary visions in your head of the person and then you meet the person and they are physically not your type or there is just no initial spark and the mountain you've created just crumbles in mere seconds right in front of you. If only there was dramatic music playing to go along with it.

I recently started chatting with this guy who seems perfect, nice and we have a lot in common. The only problem is that he recently moved to London. But again we have never met so who knows. Could this be a jinx? Could this be disaster in the making? I mean really...how much can you tell from a few pictures and words?

It's just another fish. 

*melocoton*

I got scared...

If another man ever says to me 'i got scared', I might be tempted to cut his balls up, marinate them in his pool of blood and feed them to the lions. 

Human kind has seen growth over the years. Man has seen none. They are still not reluctant to use the oldest, lamest excuse in the book...'I got scared'.  If you're going to use an excuse, I at least expect a bit of creativity. Maybe they just saw the Sex and the City movie where Big calls of the wedding because he got scared...after 10 years.


'It's not that I don't like you but I don't want to hurt you and give you the wrong impression'. This was his excuse for not messaging or reply to messages. Why can't men just communicate properly. Is that asking too much? This particular guy claimed to have never had a relationship (which I completely believe based on his attitude) and never hooking up. 


There must be something in the water in this town, surely, because he reminds me of my ex, which is why we broke up. A lot of contradiction in what he said and his behaviour.


'If you think I don't want a boyfriend, it's not true.  Sometimes I feel sad that I don't have one'. 
People like you don't deserve one. You'll just use them, abuse them and leave them emotionally tangled in a web they can't get out of. 


If you really want a partner then perhaps you should change your attitude and start giving people a chance and not writing them off after the first date. Give people the benefit of the doubt. Put your penis on a leash and let the mind do the talking for a minute. Maybe you'll find some common ground.


I'm so fed up with men in this town. They behave like children. Maybe that's because most of them still live at home until they are 30-35. Maybe they don't know how to behave like adults since they are still being pampered at home. 

Grow up!


*melocoton*

Shoulda, Woulda, Coulda

I got talking with a friend of mine and she asked me if I had ever regretted breaking up with someone. I had to briefly scan through all the exes and the truth is NO. 


I'd like to think that the relationships of the past ended for the right reason. Whether it be that we were incompatible or that we had absolutely nothing in common... except for the sex. And a relationship with only sex can only go on for so long before the sex itself starts to deteriorate. It would also seem that I have a track record of not remaining friends with my exes. Once it's over it's pretty much over. Except for the last relationship where we broke up 4 times within the course of 9 months. You see this final break up was very easy. After having it done it 3 times you tend to master the break up the fourth time around. 


I guess you may tend to wonder what could have been the future if you were still together and I guess my point of view is that I'm kinda glad that there is no future with any of my exes. Why bother reminiscing about the past when you can look forward to the future. I'm still optimistic somewhere deep down that the positive match is somewhere out there and when you find him/her, things should just fly. 


And if you should happen to come across a frog... grab it and kiss the fuck out of it. 


*melocoton*

Why gamle?

In the words of our dearest Carrie Bradshaw, 'if you know the house always wins, why gamble?'. This could work in many situations but I think what she means is that if you know that love hurts then why even bother? I guess there is no real answer to that other than never try never know. And even though the house eventually always wins you play the game hoping it's your lucky day. The trying may have consequences and side effects but without trying there is no crying. We are all hopeless (romantics). 
-melocoton

I just can't get enough...

How much is too much? BTW, I’m referring to men. How many should you/could you be seeing at the same time? There is no rule really. However many you can manage without over-booking, I would say. Well it seems I’ve got a few in cue.

I arranged for one to sleep over, let’s call him Drew. He would spend the night and cuddle into the wee hours until he would have to go home. A half hour before he was supposed to come over, another acquaintance messaged me. He was being subtle. ‘Hey how are you. I’m going for a beer but can drop by your place and you can tell me all about your trip’. What he really meant was ‘I’ve got half an hour, wanna fuck’? Although I wanted to, the timing was just horrible. I hadn’t seen him in over a month and could use a refresher with this one. But how could I cancel on Drew? I couldn’t. So I said ‘i’m kinda hungover and going to bed’. But he didn’t get the hint and kept persisting. The problem is we’ve both got crazy schedules and work a lot so it’s almost impossible to meet. Oh well. There will be a next time. And hopefully that time I will have a slot open.  

It got me thinking, there are traits I like in both these men. If only I could mesh them together to create the ideal man. Are we too picky? Will we ever find Mr. Right? I guess we should just stick to Mr. Right-NOW.

Expiration date...

Maybe it's because I'm a cynic. Maybe I'm surrounded by too many failed relationships. Maybe I haven't found 'the one'. But whenever I'm with a guy and it's going really well, I can't help but thinking 'how long until it's over?'. 

Maybe it's because deep down I know that this guy is not 'the one the one'. The one that makes you pee your pants from nerves of excitement. The one that gives you butterflies. The one that never fails to give you attention. The one that will some day make you walk down the aisle...of Baskin Robbins, without making you feel guilty about it. 

Perhaps our ideal version of Mr. Right is completely twisted and doesn't exist on planet Earth. The reality is it's a man not play dough. Unfortunately we can't shape it the way you want. And you should never try to change a man (it always ends in disaster). 

LIke Dora, let's keep swimming and see what we fish this week.

^^melocoton^^

No Strings Attached

I just saw the movie 'No String Attached' and I couldn't help but think 'can you just be sex friends?' without the emotional bla bla. If so, how long could it last? 


They are nice to have around and even better when they live just right around the corner. But how long before the line gets blurry between sex buddies and something more? Is it wrong to date your sex buddy? I know lots of people who have them and have no trouble distinguishing the difference. They have no emotional connection to this person whatsoever. Some of them even keep them on speed dial. But the sex is so good so they keep him around. If the sex is good, why not start something more? Are they worried that it would ruin everything? Is it impossible to have a great sex and emotional partner built in one? 


I recently met a guy who seems interesting but it seems he's turned out to be my very own sex buddy. He never sleeps over and I only see him under the cover of darkness. Perhaps that's all he wants. He hasn't called in days. I think it's time to pick up the phone or find some new ones. 


^^melocoton^^

Yo te amo (I love you)

Super cute, even if you don't understand Spanish.

How long is too long - reply

I´m beginning to doubt I´ll ever find someone I can stand being around everyday for years and years and not go crazy. I need my freedom, without it I cannot breathe. A sign the relationship has been going on too long is (based on personal experience) when you mourn the end of it for about a day and then spend the rest of the time constraining yourself from spontaneously bursting into a victory dance shouting "I´m free!!! I´m free!!!!!"

I think sometimes we just cling on to a relationship for the sake of being in a relationship. The sparks are gone but we keep trying to re-ignite them. Romantic trips, date nights, or in worse cases by getting married or having kids. I´ve been told I´m too picky, my expectations are too high and real life isn´t like a romantic movie with the happily ever after. And all these long term couples always have the same chant in common, relationships are hard, you need to work on them, bla bla bla... But what if relationships aren´t supposed to be hard, what if he/she just isn´t the one for you? Maybe the romance is gone because you´re just not that into each other anymore and maybe it´s just time to move on.

Corazon

How long is too long?

When I say how long I'm not referring to his dick size. For some it's of utmost importance. For others it more about girth than width. And for others the perfect size makes all the difference. But that's not what I'm here to write about today. How long should you continue in a dysfunctional relationship before you call it quits? 


It starts off great and you go for weeks with these butterflies that won't seem to go away. But eventually these butterflies fly away. Where do they go? On to the next guy? I was talking to a friend yesterday who ended a 2 month relationship. The sparks were gone. Will they ignite again? It made me wonder how do you keep the fires burning in the relationship or does the fire burn out as you start to discover the itty bitty details of the other person? What made you like this person in the first place? Was it love at first sight or was it lust? Or perhaps it's a bit of both. We all have different dating habits. Some of us like the attention and when the other person doesn't give us the attention we need, we drift away while others like their personal time and need that alone time each week to be sane. So when is the right time to move away? I guess we all have different variables but a good point to start thinking is when you stop missing having the other person around.


With so many men out there, the thought that floats through my mind is 'will we ever find someone that's just right?'. 


^^melocoton^^

Along came Jack

In a never ending world of dating there is always a next and in my case it happened Friday night. It was one of those spontaneous nights which I really love; when everything happens unexpectedly with no prior planning. The night started with a planned dinner at my friends house with some wine and good company. After which I was ready to go home. But just as I was on my way home another friend messaged me. She was out with friends for a birthday and invited me to join. My mind had mentally checked out for the night and was ready to hit the sack. So I said I'd go home to drop off my things and then head over. She said 'ok', as if she knew that had I gone home I would never make it out again. In my on going efforts to prove people wrong, I did the unexpected. I went home as planned, freshened up and hit the streets. As I predicted my friend was pleasantly surprised to see me. We finished up at the bar they were at and headed to another place for pre-dancing with great 80s music. Sadly there were no protagonists at this disco. And if there were they were under cover. The party of 10 shrunk to a party of 4 and we all headed to another disco...one that I almost never ever willingly go to. They play electro music in one room and rock in the other. Not usually my thing. But I was just happy with the company I had and so it was irrelevant. My friend and I were dancing hysterically. So much so that we fell...plenty of times. In fact I have the bruise marks to prove it. Along came Polly. She started talking to me and she was smooth. Soon I was talking to her friend Jack. One thing lead to another and we went home together. The point of this whole story is that sometimes you have to change your course, mix things up and live a little. Who knows what will happen and who knows who you will meet. 

I'm not here for your entertainment...

It's been a little over a week since I met this guy who I thought was normal and with whom I had thought there was potential. It turns out either I scared him away by being too available or he's not interested, or both. He's cancelled on me a few times already and that's just a bit rude. If you're not interested just come out and say it point blank and stop wasting my time. I'm not here for your entertainment. I have better things to do. Whatever. I stopped messaging him and have no intentions of doing so in the future. It seems he's content with the way things were left. In fact through the great grape wine also known as social media I learned that he went on a date with someone else. So he's not in a ditch somewhere. I don't know what to think anymore. When I look at happy couples lately I wonder, is it possible to be happy with just one person for the rest of your life? How do these people make it look effortless. How did they find each other in that sea of hopeless singles. Will we ever find 'the one'. As this blog would attest we seem to find one jerk after another who treats us like 'shit'. I'm not asking for prince charming. I'm just asking for someone who genuinely takes interest in me and behaves like an adult. I understand that sometimes there is just no chemistry. Just be a grown up about it and tell me you don't think it's going to work out or whatever. Don't just ignore me. The Journey continues. Where is he?


^^melocoton^^

Friend or Lover?

Can you date your friends? What about your friends friend? I recently started seeing a friend of a friend and I guess things will never be the same again. 


Well we've casually met a couple times before we started 'seeing' each other but now it is in that weird stage. Do we take the next step or do we fear ruining the friendship and go back to being just friends? The dilemma is that no matter what happens it will be impossible to avoid him. We both have mutual friends and as a result we'll run into each other at one point or another. So we had a mini talk and came to no conclusion and continue being in this grey zone, so to speak. He says that it seems like I'm more into him bla bla bla. So naturally I decided to give him some space. That means no calling, no texting, no facebooking...nada. zip. This is also code for playing the game. And I HATE games. 


It's been days of radio silence but last night he called me and invited me for drinks with his friends before I left for Christmas break. During the whole night he commented that I was acting weird. Perhaps I was. I guess in my mind I felt questions rolling through my head like Jeopardy. Where is this going? Am I here as your friend or something else? What did you tell these people about me? It's a strange feeling. I still have no idea where this is headed but I guess I should just not worry and take it as it comes. But of course that is easier said than done especially when you let your emotions do the talking.


There's a great old saying: Your emotions are the slaves to your thoughts and you are the slave to your emotions


Hope you all have a good Christmas! 


^^melocoton^^

Another one bites the dust...

I guess we should briefly catch you up on our dating history. Yes, it is a history and sometimes I wish I could delete some of those chapters and keep only the glowing parts. But like with any history it’s the lessons you learn and take away from each relationship that is really important while avoiding a repeat. We all make mistakes and fall for the wrong guy only to realize that he is not ‘the one’ but that’s part of the game and you’ve gotta play to win.

It will be three weeks tomorrow since my bf broke up with me. I wish I could say it was hard for me and it broke my heart. Well it did a little bit. But you should also know that we’ve had these similar talks three times before in the past and this final fourth time I was just ready to move on. I was speechless. Merely for the fact that it caught me off guard. There were no warning signs. It just crept up on me like turbulence. Unprepared. But I think it is for the better so I would like to thank him for doing the dirty work. After nine months if you can’t find solid ground then for sure it’s time to move on. Sure we had a great time with each other but there was something missing...those are his words.

It’s been three weeks and I look on the bright side of life and move along and continue living another day...single...but happy...and wondering...where is he where is he where is he where is he?!

^^melocoton^^